


Augustine

by sassycatpants



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Flirting, Harry Potter Crossover - Freeform, Librarians, M/M, Shattered Glass, all the pain, au prompt calendar, rewind swerve and drift are dumb, sparkeater hunting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15528138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassycatpants/pseuds/sassycatpants
Summary: 31 days, 31 AUs.Day 1;'Soulmate' isn't synonymous with love.





	1. Soulmate AU

**Author's Note:**

> So there was an AU prompts for August calendar and AUs are my life so here we are. With AUs. I tweaked the calendar I saw to be more relevant to TFs than Miraculous Ladybug, of course.
> 
> That said I'm not sticking to one pairing for all of these, it's going to pretty much run the gamut of characters as they fit into the AUs I come up with. Warnings/tags may change/update as chapters get added if they're needed.

Energon taints the air, thick and cloying and sweet to his medic's senses; most of it is not his, and First Aid thinks he'd rather it was. Coding screams at him to save them, to  _try_ but there's nothing he can do--they're already dead, he knowsthey're  _already dead and he can't fix it_ _\--_ as he flexes fingers uselessly in a puddle of energon and parts, visor fritzing static over his vision. A pair of pedes steps into his fading sight, and it's only when a gentle hand grabs his face to tilt his chin back and up that First Aid realizes there's coolant leaking from his optics as it changes directions.

"Aren't you going to fix them, First Aid?" Tarn asks gently.

_Aren't you going to fix them, First Aid._

_Aren't you going to fix them?_

_Aren't you--_

Words etched into his plating, words he'd seen-read-memorized a million times over the vorns. Words he'd always assumed were innocent and friendly, possibly a bit of teasing about a broken tool or something equally harmless. The first words his soulmate would ever say to him, how he'd know he'd found the other half of his spark, the one he was meant to love forever.

This wasn't love.  _This wasn't love_. Distantly he hears his own voice, mouth moving without his consent as he spits out  _go to hell_ , and Tarn laughs. (He can feel his spark spinning in agony, denying everything as Tarn lifts him from the puddle of energon and carries him away from Delphi as his world burns down around him.

He'd always thought he'd love his soulmate but First Aid doesn't. He _hates_ him.)


	2. College AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You realize this means war."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Science!

"Swerve and Percy are at it again." Skids looked far too gleeful for someone reporting a potential murder and Brainstorm decided it probably wasn't that serious this time.

"Is anything on fire?"

"No."

"Is anyone injured, crying or screaming?"

"Nope!"

"Is Perceptor ranting in Greek?"

"No but he did insult Swerve in German." Brainstorm paused at that, before nodding to himself and reaching for a notebook somewhere off to the side. Flipping open to the latest page, he offered Megatron across the desk an apologetic grimace as Skids ducked back out of the room and ran off, laughter trailing behind him.

"Sorry, I'm going to have to cut this meeting short. We can reschedule, I've got to go save my science wing from insulator foam and chemical explosions."

* * *

Swerve was  _totally_ going to murder Perceptor. Absolutely, one hundred percent. Just... not yet. He was going to wait for Perceptor to straighten up and look him in the optic.

He couldn't murder a mech who had his back to him, that was all. It had nothing to do with the way he was bent over his desk, grinning at him over his shoulder as he  _sprayed even more foam_ across Swerve's classroom, right into the corner behind said desk. Nothing at all.

"You realize this means war."

Percy laughed.

 


	3. Sparkeater AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3; _Youtube, Cybertronian edition._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Puff so succinctly stated: Drift 100% believes in ghosts and sparkeaters and shit and wants to make friends with a nice ghost, Swerve just wants to get his big mouth on screen and will take any excuse to have a camera to chatter at, and Rewind brought the cameras and claims to be a skeptic and believes none of it.
> 
> Also please excuse the jarring choppiness of this, it was written that way on purpose.

 

> **DRIFT HAS POSTED ONE NEW VIDEO!**

"And that's when I said-- _holy slag guys, I see it_!" _Swerve cuts his own story off, gesturing wildly at something in the distance and the camera whips around as Rewind turns to see whatever the other mech is seeing._

"I don't see anything--"

"Right there!"

"I see it!" _Drift's voice chimes in from off camera, and the feed zooms in for a moment as **something** moves in the distance turning blurry. Rewind curses._

"There's nothing there--"

_Something screeches in the distance before there's a loud noise just to their left, and the camera waves wildly as all three shout and flail. For a sparkbeat there's nothing, then Drift's in alt mode and all that can be seen are Rewind's hands clutching his roof where he's been thrown on top of him, and the darkness beyond as tires squeal with the speed of his movement. Swerve's not far behind. (For half a klik **something** is in the frame, glowing eyes and blurry shapes before it's gone again, camera shaking as Drift and Swerve weave in and out of frame.)_

"Holy slag, holy slag holy slag--"

* * *

 

They don't stop until they're back in Iacon, city lights bright on plating and surrounded by people. Rewind turns to both of them with the most unimpressed look he can muster.

"If either of you  _ever_ involve me in your short-circuited ideas again, I'm going to melt your brain modules."


	4. Librarian AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4; _“Good **bye** , Skids.” His mouth quirked under his mask and Tarn settled back into his seat to compose yet another lecture to give Skids in two weeks when his pads were inevitably late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is _technically_ probably considered cheating since I'm just posting an RP with some editing to fix errors and weird phrasing, but I don't care it still technically fulfills the au a day requirement. fghbfgh
> 
> Also Tarn as a librarian is a thing I enjoy, let me have this.

"I have some overdue rentals. Is this where I pay my fines?" the mech asked, plopping a stack of datapds on the counter without preamble.

The librarian at the desk narrowed his eyes, frowning behind the mask over his face. “ _Yes_.” There was a pause, as Tarn clearly recognized Skids and leaned forward almost menacingly.

“Skids, was it? This is the third time this month you’ve returned your rentals  _late_.” That was definitely disapproval in his tone. “I’m sure it hasn’t occurred to you yet, but there  **are**  other visitors who’d like to read the same datapads you check out, and when you  **do not**   **return them on time** , we are unable to provide our promised services. As you can imagine, this is a problem and we are the ones to suffer for your thoughtlessness. And  _perhaps_  you have not realized this yet, but being  **punctual**  is a highly prized trait--you wouldn’t return paperwork for your job two weeks late, would you? No, I think not.  _So if you would kindly return your datapads on time_ , I would appreciate it  **very much**.”

Skids propped himself against the librarian’s desk, hip against the edge and one hand on the surface as Tarn glared at him and launched into a disapproving lecture. He only heard half of what was being said - most of which were the points that Tarn emphasized, his voice stressing the importance of the words he chose to try to make stick into Skids’ mind. 

He waited until Tarn was finished before speaking up. “I understand, of course, punctuality is  _very important_ , especially when it comes to providing free information and entertainment to the public.” He smiled, trying to look at least a little apologetic. “I’m in the middle of moving, things get misplaced, and I lose track of time. It won’t happen again.”

“I believe that’s what you told me  _last week,_ when you were ‘away for two weeks and it wouldn’t happen again’.” Tarn replied drily, sweeping the stack of ‘pads into his hands and depositing them behind the counter on a cart.

“As for the fine, it’s 50 shanix per datapad. You can pay with a credit chip in the slot there, or have your bank deposit it into the library’s account.” He huffed softly, setting one hand on the counter to lean closer.

“I do advise a calendar, if tracking time is a problem. We sell them in the gift shop by the entrance.”

“I mean, to be fair, I  _was_ away for my job,” Skids pointed out. He opened a compartment at his hip to pull out his currency card to pay his fines. At least with the last trip, he’d earned a decent amount of overtime pay so he could  _cover_  his late fees. 

When Tarn leaned closer, Skids looked back up at him - even leaning forward, the librarian was significantly taller than he was. “You don’t provide a warning call service? Too bad, a commanding voice like yours, you might have better luck with delinquents such as myself returning books on time.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” Tarn straightened again, reaching out to pull up Skids’ account on his terminal and allow him to pay his fines. “But we do, actually. You simply never signed up for such a service when you applied for a card. We only bother calling those who indicate they wouldn’t  _mind_  them.”

They’d learned after the first complaint of unsolicited calls when the library first opened, or so he’d been told. Tarn turned his head to stare at Skids. “We also provide emails and texting, if you’d prefer. Assuming you’d like the warning…?”

“You admit you’re flattered, though?” Skids teased, flipping his card between his fingers while he waited for the terminal’s prompts to pay. “Funny, someone must have neglected to tell me about the service. I can give you my frequency so you can warn me ahead of time. It might help. Calling and texting are probably best. I can’t always answer a call, especially if I’m at work.”

“I said it was flattery, not that I was affected by it.” Not that he  _wasn’t_ , either. “But yes, if you send me your frequency I can correct that little oversight for you.” And possibly find out just who had handled Skids’ application to lecture  _them_  on not doing their job properly.

Maybe Skids would be late less frequently if they had. “You can pay now.”

“Not even a little?” Skids arched a brow at Tarn, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. He doubted that Tarn was completely unaffected. Everyone liked a little bit of flattery here and there. At the prompting, Skids inserted his currency card and let the terminal put the charges on it, then gave Tarn his comm frequency. “So do you make the calls personally or am I going to be sadly disappointed when I get an automated call?”

Tarn snorted, not dignifying the first question with an answer even if it was true. “It’ll be automated,” the tankformer explained, tapping the frequency code into the terminal. “But if it makes you feel better, I recorded the automated message, so try not to be too sparkbroken.”

“I make no promises, I’m already hurt you won’t be calling me.” Skids teased, complete with a playfully dramatic gesture of his hand over his spark. “But then, I suppose it’s unprofessional to personally call a patron, even if he’s a right pain in the aft about being on time.”

“Just less work to let the system do it.” That was definitely amusement, now. “Considering our number of daily patrons, we’d be on the phone for hours calling about overdue books.”

Not anyone’s idea of a fun time, really. Tarn’s lips twitched. “Now, is that everything or will you also be checking out new datapads to inevitably return late despite the warning call?”

“Fair enough. Wouldn’t want to make your job more difficult than it already is.” Skids offered a smile and put his currency card away before pushing away from the desk. He stretched his arms over his head, giving a thoughtful hum as he looked towards the shelves upon shelves of datapads. “I’ll be getting something new. Got another business trip coming up in Yuss, I’ll need something to read on the way. Any recommendations?”

“Based on your previous check out history, anything on the bottom three shelves of that wall there,” he gestured towards one of the walls, “Should be something you’d enjoy.” He was confident enough in his assessment that he’d eat his mask if he was wrong.

“Do at least  _try_  to be on time.”

“Barring any surprises, I should be back here with plenty of time to get everything returned before they’re late.” Although, considering Skids’ job, he couldn’t guarantee that there wouldn’t be surprises. Sometimes he got unlucky and things went all to hell. There wasn’t much he could do about that. 

Skids went over to the wall Tarn had indicated, browsed for a few minutes, then came back with few new datapads to check out. He set them on the desk, then gave Tarn another smile. “So, out of curiosity, what do librarians do when the library closes?”

“We move the furniture and have a massive sex orgy in the middle of the floor,” Tarn answered blandly, reaching for the new pads to check him out. “Sometimes, if we’re feeling really adventurous, someone breaks out the drugs.”

He was lying obviously, but he wanted to see what Skids would say before he admitted to that.

Skids knew it was a lie, of course, but he decided to play along, giving a laugh. “Well, apparently I’m in the wrong profession.” He leaned against the desk again, arms crossed over his chest. “So, you’re probably not interested in heading to Maccadam’s tonight?”

The tank tilted his heads  slightly at the unexpected invitation, considering. He didn’t actually  _have_  plans for after closing, so it wouldn’t be unreasonable to accept the offer… “Well, I  _suppose_  I can skip out on the orgy to get a drink with you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Skids’ optics brightened a bit and his smile returned in full force. “Yeah, that’s what I’m asking. My treat, of course. I figured I’ve made a bad impression, so I’d like to make up for it. I can be back here at closing to go down with you.”

“Mmm, best make it an hour after closing. There’s cleanup and other after hours work that needs to be done before we actually leave.” Thankfully nothing that would take too long, so an hour should give Tarn enough time to do what needed to be done before leaving. He held out the datapads.

“Will you need a reminder call, Skids?”

“Gotcha, an hour after.” Skids took the offered datapads and tucked them under his arm as he stepped away from the desk. “I shouldn’t need a reminder call, but if you get worried that I’ll be late, you have my comm frequency.” He gave Tarn a wink. “See you after closing.”

“Good _bye_ , Skids.” His mouth quirked under his mask and Tarn settled back into his seat to compose yet another lecture to give Skids in two weeks when his pads were inevitably late.

And  **maybe**  do some actual work instead of playing solitaire.


	5. Laundromat AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's not clear yet, I'm using a mix of the AU Yeah August Miraculous Ladybug calendar, the one Rizobact and dragonofdispair worked up together, and one I made myself with input from friends in a discord server. So some of them will be the same AUs as others, some will be uniquely my own AUs. (Such as librarian au)
> 
> This is also technically a day late but I was out most of the day yesterday and then apparently took a very long nap.

Rung reached out to scratch the cybercat lounging atop the dryers behind the ear, smiling slightly. The techanimal responded with a rumbling purr, stretching just a little further out on her chosen space.

"That's our mascot," a voice piped up behind him; a small white and blue minibot waved shyly, before pointing to the cat. "Our mascot," he repeated brightly. "Isn't she great? I'm Tailgate!"

"Nice t meet you. I'm Rung. And yes, she's very cute." The feel of a small paw on his hand as he pulled away prompted Rung to look down, finding the cat had decided that he wasn't done petting her. Tailgate snickered.

"Yeah, she does that."


	6. Hogwarts AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6; Harry Potter AU
> 
> _Get a muggle car, Hermione had said._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I kept this prompt as a Hogwarts-specific AU, but I honestly couldn't think of anything so I said fuck it and just made it Harry Potter in general prompt instead. That worked out much better.
> 
> Oooonce again, really short. Even more so than last chapter.

_Get a muggle car_ , Hermione had said.  _It'd make traveling the muggle world easier_ , she'd insisted.  _No more having to find a private place to apparate and hope no muggles see you_.

In theory, it'd been an excellent idea. In practice, less so. Tilting his head back to stare up at the alien robot his supposedly normal, _muggle_ car had turned into, Harry sighed. The robot stared back.

"Aliens. Well, why not? Hello, I'm Harry Potter."


	7. Famous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7; Famous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been a hellish nightmare of real life responsibilities and unfortunately that doesn't seem to be ending; so this is backdated for yesterday's prompt, today's prompt will be coming and tomorrow's will likely also be late because of real life things.
> 
> Friday I should be back on schedule. I hope.

The good thing about being famous for his excessive number of revolving door celebrity boyfriends, Swerve figured as he checked his plating in the mirror one last time before leaving, is that just  _seeing_ him on someone's arm pretty much guaranteed his date could have a fun night without fending off hopefuls.

And best of all, no one even questioned it anymore, after years of seeing him on so many celebrities' arms.

Locking his apartment behind him, Swerve opened his comm and hummed.

"Hey Blurr! I'm on my way now, so I'll meet you at the usual place, yeah? Great! I don't have any other clients lined up for boyfriend shield this week, so you need me any other night this week or you wanna breakup yet again tomorrow?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Swerve literally turned the Fake Boyfriend trope into a business lmfao. And yes this chapter was like pulling teeth and I hate it with every fiber of my being.


	8. Shattered Glass AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8; Shattered Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [gestures vaguely] Okay we're back on schedule now, don't mind the backlog of chapters being posted with backdates fvdfvc.

"Oh  _Tarn_ ," Skids breathed, dragging a finger down the tank's face as he cringed away. "If you just hadn't  _lied to me_ , then all of this could have been avoided, you know. I  _told_ you the rules, and yet you continue to break them."

Tarn cringed further away, only to be yanked back by his mask and dragged to his knees in front of Skids. He opened his mouth to say something,  _anything_ to appease his tormentor, but only static burst out of the ruined vocalizer.

Skids tutted gently. "Don't worry, this will only hurt for a little while."


	9. Summer Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9; Summer Camp

"Today's friendship activity will be model ships!" Rung announced, holding up a small model proudly. "I've donated some of my own collection to the activity today, so please try not to break anything! The team who completes it fastest will get a prize."

The audience around him shared looks among themselves, before collectively taking a step back from the small therapist.

"Do we gotta complete it  _right_ , or just complete it?" someone asked, and Rung turned his head to blink at the Constructicon who'd raised his hand.

"Well--I--It has to be completed correctly, yes." He watched the mech puff up in pride.

"We're gonna win that prize!"


	10. Secret Agent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10; Secret Agent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I have silly AU ideas. This is one of them.

"Wait, so you mean that  _you're_ an Autobot?" Dominus asked, disbelief thick in his voice. "And so are you and you and  _even Tesarus_?" Helplessly he looked at the rest of the DJD, optics spiraling wide.

Tarn cleared his throat. "I was sent by Jazz to spy on you," he offered, shrugging.

"But  _Prowl_ sent  _me_ to spy on you!"

"I was sent by Smokescreen," Tesarus offered in an attempt to sound helpful.

"And we were sent by Silvershard," Kaon added, gesturing to himself and Helex. Dominus groaned, dropping his face into his servos.

"So there never even  _was_ a DJD, we've all been faking it!"


	11. Mermaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 11; mermaid

“Huh. This is really good. What did you say it was called?”

“Pizza –  _Swerve_!”

“Ratchet!”

“Damn it Swerve – put that down! That’s my lunch!”

“Yeah but now it’s mine! It’s really good Ratch! Can we have pizza for lunch every day?”

“No, ‘we _’_  can’t!  _You_  can’t even have it today, you little thief.  _Stop stealing my lunches_.”

“But Ratchet, fish is  _boring_! I don’t want to eat fish all the time. Why can’t I eat your human food more often?”

“Tough. You’re a mer, not a human. Fish is what you’re  _supposed_  to eat, you useless blob of blubber. Now either make yourself useful and check Rodimus’ tank for me, or head out to the coral reef and out of my hair –  ** _put down the pizza, Swerve_**!”


	12. Royalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 12; Royalty

Tarn leaned back in his throne, claws coming together in front of his face as he studied the femme in front of him. She’d come alone, with only a single attendant to offer herself as a political bride, and he was  _almost_  impressed that she’d made her way through the undercities alone as she had.

He’d be more impressed if he hadn’t ensured her safety himself from the shadows, though he wouldn’t tell her that. Nothing happened in his kingdom that he was unaware of.

“You’ve come a long way just to offer yourself as a political prize. Was it voluntary, or was it an order from your Prime?” he asked finally, curious how she’d answer.


	13. Fake Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 13; Fake dating.

"You know, couples get a free weekend pass this weekend for Six Lasers." Skids looked up from the screen he'd been reading, tilting his head back to peer at Glitch across the room. Glitch blinked his single optic back, not sure just where the superlearner was going with this.

"I know you mentioned you've wanted to go forever but that it's too pricey for you."

"Um. Yeah. So?"

Skids tapped his screen pointedly, offering a bright smile. "Well, if we're 'dating'," the air quotes looked absolutely ridiculous upside down, Glitch noted. "Then we can get in for free. That's in your budget, right?"

Glitch jerked in surprise, sliding off the berth to come closer. "You want to  _fake date_ just so we can get free passes to Six Lasers Over Cybertron?"

"Sure!"

A pause followed Skids' rather enthusiastic agreement, before Glitch shrugged. "Okay. Let's do it."


	14. Reincarnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 14; Reincarnation
> 
> _Sometimes cycles crack in the oddest of ways, even when they're not meant to be broken._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Juuust a note that tomorrow's chapter will be posted on Thursday with Thursday's chapter, rather than tomorrow. I'm leaving fairly early with a friend to head to lunch and then Mystic Aquarium for the entire day as a birthday treat since my birthday's Friday, so I won't actually have time to write a chapter nor time and energy to post it. In addition, tomorrow night's first night of a new DnD game, so I'll be taking a nap between Mystic and that, then likely crashing out lmao. So, Thursday.

He's always in green; they're not sure why, but the Hero is always a boy in green. He was kind, and quiet and diligent.

And sure, they're five (six but one of them is dead and gone now, so really it's just five) instead of one, and they're not _quiet_ and definitely not  _kind_. Diligent, maybe. Certainly not heroes.

_(But they dream sometimes, of days when five(six) were one boy in green. When they were still a hero.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering yes. I did just imply the Constructicons are the split body reincarnation of Link from Legend of Zelda.


	15. Faction Swap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 15; Faction Swap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a change of plans due to a late start; so today's chapter _will_ be going up on time, and _Thursday's chapter_ will be going up on Friday with Friday's chapter, as aquarium visit was moved to Thursday.

"Doc! Doc, you gotta help." Bulkhead stumbled into Knock Out's medbay, nearly staggering under the weight of Optimus. "Ol' Hatchet got him with that chainsaw of his, He needs help bad." He set Optimus carefully onto a medberth and Knock Out winced as he beheld the damage the Decepticon CMO Ratchet had inflicted.

"Well, don't just stand there Bulk. Grab my tool kit, I'll get started tying these lines."


	16. Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 16; Neighbors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm, fell behind again lmao. Birthday stuff was good and adventures but I hit my limit of social interaction and any sort of brain power, then got a Switch for said birthday and uh.
> 
> Well, I forgot I hyperfocus on video games when I get a new one, so there you go. Anyway, off we go with the fic.

His new neighbor was  _attractive_ , Pipes thought dumbly. He had never been so glad the mailbot couldn't seem to deliver mail correctly as he was in this moment, when he'd opened his door to find Riptide standing there with a package meant for Pipes that had been left at his door.

"...Are you Pipes?" Riptide repeated, shifting the package in his hands. "Because, uh--I need to give him his package so--"

"Oh! Yes, sorry! Yes, I'm Pipes. Sorry about that. My mind wandered." Flushing brightly under his plating, Pipes held out his hands awkwardly for the package. "Here, let me take that--" The package exchanged hands, and for a moment they both stood there in an awkward silence before Pipes reset his vocaliser.

"You're Riptide, right? The um, the new neighbor? Would you like to come in for energon? I was just about to sit down and have some."

"Sure." Pipes jumped aside to let him immediately, doing a mental victory dance.

Hot new neighbor invited in for energon? Today was gonna be a good day, he could feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments remind me not to hyper focus just saying.


	17. Demon au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 17; Demon AU.

"Oh relax will ya?" Whirl clicked his claws, looking around the bar with an oddly expressive optic. "And put away the salt, I'm not gonna kill anyone. Yet." With that statement, the lanky bot stepped over the circle of salt that he'd been summoned into, causing a ripple of shock and confused fear to pass around the bar.

"We didn't think we'd actually summon anything!" a voice called out, and Whirl clicked his claws a second time, amusement suffusing the staticy EM Field around him.

"Yeah? Well y'did. I'm Whirl. Got anything good to drink in this joint?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a joke in a discord server about an au where Whirl is a demon and they kept trying to trap him in salt circles. As you can see, I ran with it.


	18. Toy AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 18; Toy AU
> 
> _Seekers really **do** come from eggs!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dug through my photos and slapped together a quick photocomic. Sorry it's not quality or formatted like I usually do.

  



	19. Secret Identities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 19; secret identities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Secret Agent au.

"So," Tarn began, dropping into the chair next to Dominus, who was still holding his face in his hands. "Since we're all Autobots, maybe we should just drop the fake names and secret identities."

Vos snorted in his corner. "Forestock," he said finally in Neocybex, pointing to himself.

"Glitch. Or Damus," Tarn returned, nodding.

"Dominus Ambus," the beastformer muttered, still clearly distressed. Tarn leaned over to pat his shoulder gently.

"It's okay, you know. Not being a  _real_ DJD is a good thing."


	20. Coffee shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 20; coffee shop AU

Well, it wasn't exactly a  _bar_ , Swerve thought as he stepped back from the pastry display case to study it for a moment. But it was  _his_ , and that was the important bit of the whole endeavor.

Nodding to himself as he decided he liked the way the pastries looked on their little cushion, the minibot hustled to the door to flip the sign to open for his first day in business.

 _Swerve's_ was going to be successful. He could  _feel_ it.


	21. Childhood Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 21; Childhood Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not finish these on time as planned. alas.
> 
> Time to once more subvert the intended prompt lmao.

There's an echo in his head ( _"Best friends forever, right Glitch?" "Yeah, forever." "And we'll all protect each other no matter what?" "Yeah, Trailbreaker!"_ ) as he stares up at Glitch--no. Tarn, now. Tarn's standing over him, a cruel smile on his face, mask dropped to the floor and kicked aside as he grabs Skids by the chin. Optic shutters are peeled away, white hot pain flashing over his optics as he tries reflexively to close them when there's nothing there to close.

He can't look away from Tarn now.

( _"It's been a long time, you know. He could have forgotten about you by now. Forgotten about all of us."_

_"No way Trailbreaker. Glitch'd never forget any of us. We're his best friends, forever."_

_"We were sparklings, Skids. Those kinda promises don't mean anything when you're all grown up."_

_" **We're** still friends, aren't we? It meant something to us. I know it meant something to Glitch, too."_ )

"I remember you," Tarn says quietly, trailing claws gently down Skids' chin. "We played together, when we were sparklings."

"Best friends," Skids gasps, trying desperately for  _something_ to make Glitch--Tarn--to stop, to remember the promise they'd made. Tarn makes an amused sound low in his throat, releasing him.

"You really thought we'd be  _friends forever_? Idiot. Times change, Skids. And people change with them."


	22. Surreality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 22; Surreality

It was a Tuesday and the universe was unraveling.

Normally this didn’t alarm anyone because the universe tended to unravel at least once a week–always on a Tuesday, oddly enough–where the  _Lost Light_  was involved, and the crew had long since adapted to inexplicable things like space whales off the starboard decks or Swerve accidentally projecting a sitcom version of Earth to chase the ship through space because he was dying, but this was a whole new level of unraveling. A turbofox in a pirate hat was in the captain’s chair on the bridge.

( _It’s Tuesday, isn’t it? Is it Tuesday?_  Ultra Magnus asked in the background, servos dragging down his face in despair.  _How did no one realize it was_ _ **Tuesday**_ _?_ )

“I’m the Dread Pirate Sparkplug, and I’m commandeering this ship.” A dainty paw reached up to adjust the angle of its hat in the ensuing silence before it turned to Rodimus and smiled a smile with too many teeth. “I’m doing this because of Reasons.”

“You can’t just commandeer my ship!” Rodimus sputtered, optics wide. It didn’t seem to occur to him that he was arguing with a fox, even as Megatron cleared his throat.

“As captain–”

“No,” Sparkplug interrupted. Megatron looked baffled for a moment.

“I–no?”

“No. You’re ugly. Therefore, you are not captain of this ship. He is. Except I’ve commandeered it so now  _I_  am and that is how it shall be until our adventure is concluded.”

“That’s not–” Megatron tried, scowling slipping across his face. This was ridiculous! He would not have this… this  _vermin_  appearing on his ship and taking over the ship he’d been given captaincy of!

“Regardless, that is how it is and how it shall be. Now, turn us about mates! We’re off on an adventure!” she called, turning her attention to the crew scattered about the bridge. “And someone do something about the red and blue one. He looks like he’s going to cry.”


End file.
